16 Sep

I’ve never been a fan of the comma.  I’m not a stupid person.  I took an IQ test when I was 8 and it said I was over two standard deviations above the norm (though not by too much).  I graduated college cum laude, and had a 3.88 GPA when I received my Master of Science degree.  I watch the news.  I read, daily, and not just magazines.  I put together puzzles with my kids, can answer 99% of all my parents’ computer questions, and taught myself how to cross-stitch.  I can spell, and if there’s any question about a word then I have enough sense to use spell check.  I can communicate a little in both Spanish and Arabic.

But the comma.  I just have never mastered the use of the thing.  Sometimes I’ll grossly over-use it, inserting one every time I feel myself wanting to pause, whether it is grammatically necessary or not.  Even more often I’ll just leave the damn thing out because I know I don’t know where it belongs or how many times I should insert it.  I just loathe the comma.  A very long time ago – I was probably ten years old – I sat in class and thought, “You know what?  Fuck it.  I can read, I can write, and by the way these teachers act, either I’m pretty damn smart or I’m in class with a shit ton of retards [maybe both?], so you know what?  Screw you, comma.  I’ll misuse and abuse you, neglect you and not even care.  Because some things I will be great at, but I think I can live if comma use is not one of them.”  And from then on, I just didn’t care.

Recently I said to a friend, “I’m craving some Creole baby,” and she poked fun at me as if I wanted her to cook me a Cajun infant.  So when I saw this, I laughed a lot:


Hahaha.  I honestly lol’d at this, as I did when Kibbies pointed out my mistake on fb.

You can make fun because it is funny, but I will not apologize for my use of commas or lack thereof.  Maybe I can help it, but I don’t care enough to try.  And as long as we’re on the subject of grammar, let me make a few more points:

On chats and texts I do not give a shit.  On twitter sometimes it is necessary to shorten things by inserting numbers or leaving out vowels.  If you do not understand this because you are that big of a grammar Nazi, you should really seek professional help.  Valium might do the trick.

There is a difference between typos and being stupid.  If I say that I want to do somwthing, well that is obviously a typo.  If I said I want to do alot of things, that’s me being too stupid to know how to spell “a lot”, and too lazy to utilize spell check.  Careless I can handle, dumb and lazy deserve a good ribbing.

I leave off the ends of some words because that is how I speak.  So yes, I may say I’m jus shoppin around for some new shoes.  Because if I was speaking to you, that’s how it would sound.  I do it because it sounds like me, not because I’m trying to shorten a word.  Would I write that in an essay?  No.  Do I think it is too grammatically incorrect for facebook?  Uh, no.  It’s facebook, get a life.  That being said, there are people on there who clearly need to either get laid or start retaking English classes from like third grade on.  I’m n0t sur3 wh1ch, but wr1t1ng l1k3 th15 1s un@cc3pt@bl3!

And if you wanna call me stupid or lazy for my comma use, that’s okay too.  I prefer the good-natured joking, but I can handle the criticism as well.  This is just me saying that, barring some insanely grammatically incorrect statuses, I just can’t waste my energy on the nit-picking anymore.  It’s not fun.  I’m jus sayin.


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